You know that stinging feeling you get when you’re flirting with a guy because you think he’s Jewish and then you find out he’s not? Maybe?
If you’re unfamiliar, it’s like when you’re at a bar and you think you’ve found an adorable new gay friend but then you find out he’s just really stylish and his friends are homophobic. Thanks for getting my hopes up, guys from Madison County who still call their friends gay. Pssh.
That rug-pulled-out-from-under-you feeling is the worst. When I found this Gawker article about a Jewish soccer team that’s not even comprised of real Jewish guys, I was reminded of that feeling, the disbelief, the betrayal. How can we sleep at night knowing there are men out there just posing as Jews, constructing elaborate lies and secret identities for personal gain? In the case of these footballers (they’re in England, I think that’s what they call it) it’s the typical example of faking it for no good reason. Why not just join another league? People like me can’t handle this deception. It shakes the foundation of my beliefs. Okay, beliefs might be a strong word for irrepressible attraction to Jewish guys. Whatever. But still – is there nothing left in this world we can trust?
In the case of the guy I thought was Jewish but wasn’t, he was at least straightforward about it. He looked really Jewish, I assumed he was Jewish, and then he apologetically explained he was Irish Catholic, but he “gets that a lot.” My heart sank, but at least I knew what I was dealing with. I could still trust him and things started to look up when he said “But I’m adopted, so you know, I could be Jewish for all we know.” If he’d lied, I would feel pretty awful about making out with him.
Maybe this is a victimless crime, but surely the Maccabi Southern Football League would disagree. Who will be your next unwitting victim, fake Jews? Unsuspecting women everywhere, beware. And if you undress a guy, be sure to check his clothing labels for shatnez.
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